Everythings Okay

I’m still trying to be okay now. =) doing my usual thing, my routine before I met him.

I hang out with my friends more often, doing our usual thing, going to the mall make fun with each other, making scene on the crowd like a child, doing crazy things! Haha just last week I went to visit my friend working at fitness first, I am not actually a member yet but looking forward to be a member, maybe one of these days. I’m still thinking, so far I enjoy going there as a guest haha *abusive* hmmm..  I really luuuurrveeee   sauna and steam bath after working out, it’s so refreshing! =)  oh!  Their coffee too! The facilities and the staffs are great as well! Excellent service!  =) then after our workout we went to market-market and check on some trekking shoes at Olympic village because I’m into Mountain climbing now, and as I was checking on some stuffs, Karen came in to me and punched me using a cute-pink boxing gloves! Yes, real gloves it doesn’t really hurt that bad but of course, I didn’t let it pass I punched her too with my fist! Then walked on a fast pace inside the store unfortunately she caught me and did the same. She walked out of the store really fast, I followed her still trying to act normal, just smiling at those dumbfounded staffs in the store, and once I’m out of the store I chased her all the way to the escalator and finally caught her Haha she actually fell down in front of the cinema, so I took advantage of it, put all my weight on her and started punching her so lightly haha we were both laughing so hard that we even forgot were on a public place! Good thing, it’s almost closing time. When we get back to earth I scanned the crowd and was quite embarrassed because they’re all staring at us, it’s as if were some kind of psycho =)) it was actually extremely Fun! hahaha after that we decided to stay at Seattle’s best and wait for Dennis, we were still catching our breath as we arrived there, and while waiting, we saw this two “pepper-guy” dating, to kill time, we dubbed their conversation based on their expressions and gestures.  We were laughing like crazy, There were times wherein they would glance at our table and we’ll just smile at them hahaha  =)) Adik lang diba! :D  It was Fun crazy-night! =)

Just recently I engaged myself more in physical activities like running and working out after duty. If I’m lucky I sometimes run with my roommate Camil/Colleagues, but most of the time I run alone, btw I am happy because I can do curl ups/advanced sit ups correctly. Without stressing my nape lol haha

Hmmm  I actually have a goal before summer! And that is to be lean and fit! =) I can do it haha I hope ^_^ I’m preparing now kasi for my very first hiking! Wheeeeeeeeee I am not excited! I swear, I am not, really, I’m not! Haha don’t wanna get too excited but I can’t help it! I really want to climb the Mt. Pulag! Oh please! Sana matuloy, It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. I don’t care if my skin will get darker and my glutathione intake will , that eeekkyy-sticky feeling after a long walk, climb and won’t be able to take a bath for 3 days? It’s fine with me . The hell I care, I’ll sacrifice all those comfy-things just to see “The Sea of clouds”. It was actually my secret dream to climb a mountain and see those, breath taking sceneries from above and because Nature never really fails to amaze me.

And just  One day, I would love to sit under the tree, breathe in some fresh air, embraced the cold breeze with my iPod on, piece of paper, a pen beside my boyfriend (unknown yet)

Yes, I’m still hoping that he’s definitely on his way now to finally meet me, and that’s called Empowering belief! ^_^

Please Slow Down, Check point:

 Hey! Have you seen him? Who? Of course, my future boyfriend! Haha or if in any case you see him or  you bumped into him, please tell him, I’m just here. Patiently waiting for his arrival, but please do tell him that “don’t make me wait too long” because somebody else might come and abduct me  or fool me again.  I’m tired of taking risks/chances with Uncertainty! I’m scared! So please, hurry up and tell him, okay? hehe

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 And lastly I still think of him randomly? Alright not randomly the right word is all the time *sigh*can somebody please help me, I am actually trying my best not to think of him lately, I even changed my diary now. Because whenever I try to write something on it, I always end up, reading those Happy Days I had with him and it makes me really sad. There were actually incomplete entries there, because I was too happy and lazy to write back then. I actually regret not filling in those pages, because I have to look back on what happened that day. Oh well #throwback. Someday I’ll complete it if I still remember what happened.  Oh talk about burying memories that once made you happy, but causes you pain now. =( haaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!

Journey Notebook.. .

You Can't start the Next Chapter of your LIFE.

If you keep re-reading the Last one.

Every night I think of him, wondering what made him change his mind. What went wrong? Why does he have to make me happy and feel special, if he would just leave me I really hate him for that, but I hate myself more for letting him IN my life for that short period of time. 

“I fall too fast, crash too hard, forgive too easily, and care too much.”

                            

 He’s the best thing I never I had. 

This song, is really perfect of what I am feeling right now...

What If..

frienemies forever.

(this picture was taken, while waiting for our patient. @7th flr. #myfrienemy)

Kahapon sobrang na-offend talaga ko sa mga sinabi ni Dr. B =( grabe siya, hindi man lang niya na-appreciate yung ginawa kong video nung Birthday niya. Kahit antok na antok na ko dahil late na din kami naka-uwi from work, ginawa ko yun to make him Happy kasi favorite namin si Dok, kahit na napaka-Bully niya, minsan naman kasi, may natatago naman siyang kabutihan. Kahit na madalas nag k-clash kami, kasi lagi niya kong inaaway at binu-bully! Alam ko naman na ganon talaga siya, at sanay na ko kasi shempre di ako pumapayag na i-bully niya w/o fighting back ha! kaya madalas kaming mag-away! Were frienemies! We were clashing almost every day,  kaya sanay na din ako. Kaya lang sobra na siya =( lagi na lang ako yung masama, tanggap ko naman na medyo masama talaga ugali, masungit ako, careless,  rude, bully eh bakit ganon din naman siya. Akala mo kung makapagsalita siya napaka-buti niyang tao, samantalang siya nga yung laging nang-aaway saken, minsan sinasakyan ko na lang kasi  natatawa na lang din ako minsan. Pero sobra na wala naman siyang karapatan para husgahan ang pagkatao ko =’( kung ano-ano na yung mga sinasabi niya ako na lang lagi topic pag nagk-kwento siya, nakakainis na kaya!!! =( kung di pa nasabi saken ni Bianca di ko pa malalaman, eh bago ko malaman yun inaasar ko pa si Dok nun, nagp-picture pa kami, ang saya-saya pa ng duty naming nun.. tapos ganon na pala.. sa sobrang sama ng loob ko, binura ko na siya sa facebook ko. kanyang kanya na account niya, D-U-H! aanuhin ko naman mga picture niya, feel na feel niya stalker daw ako? Eh kumuha lang naman ako ng picture niya dun para may mailagay ako sa video na ginawa ko, para naman sa kanya yun, anong masama dun? Kesyo di daw ako nag-paalam man lang, eh naman! Surprise nga eh, sa sobrang sama ng loob ko di na ko nagsalita after nun, kasi naiiyak na ko nun, pinigilan ko lang sarili ko, kahit na habang nagp-pasyente ko naiiyak ako kasi, nasaktan talaga ko, sobrang bothered ako, kung mali ba yung ginawa ko, kaya tinanong ko na sila Doktora kung may mali ba sa ginawa ko, at dahil napaka-iyakin ko talaga, di ko na napigilang maiyak sa harap nila, kasi sobrang bigat na ng loob ko, yung feeling na kahit anong pigil ko na wag maiyak, naiyak pa din ako. Sabi nila Doktora na-appreciate naman daw siguro ni Dr. B yun, pero bakit ganon siya? =( ang sama niya talaga, I hate him so much! Dahil sa kanya mukha kong binugbog dahil magang maga mata ko hanggang pag-uwi ko sa dorm ang hapdi ng mata ko. Actually hindi ito yung first time na mag-clash kami, kahit nung isang araw nag-clash na kami, tungkol naman sa endorsement. Napaka-sungit niya kasi, eh masungit din ako, I don’t care if he’s a Doctor, I’m just doing my job, I informed him lang naman regarding dun sa patient ko na may AF, tapos sinungitan na ko agad ang dami na niyang sinabi, kaya sumagot ako, pinagtanggol ko lang yung side ko kasi wala naman akong ginagawang mali, nag-informed lang ako, tapos kung makapag-sungit siya wagas! Tse! Di siya uubra saken.. pero after kong sumagot-sagot kay Dok, na-guilty din ako, pero bakit ba.. wala kong ginagawang masama. Last year din, nag-away na kami, umabot pa nga na ayoko ng magpa-rotate sa 7^th flr. Kasi dun siya naka-duty, di kami nagpansinan dati ng mga 2weeks. As in deadma galore, nag-away din kami naman regarding sa religion, pikon din naman si Dr. B, pero dahil iyakin ako, laging ako yung talo. Di ko na mabilang kung ilang beses na kong umiyak dahil sa pamb-bully niya emotionally! =( I really really hate him for the nth time! 

walking away.. .

February 18, 2013

Monday

Really Goodbye..

Last night we really end it na, actually nung Friday pa talaga eh.. tinext ko siya na tigilan na naming kasi para ngang naglolokohan na lang kami, at nasasayang lang pareho yung panahon at oras naming.. nung tinext ko sa kanya yan, di siya nag-reply. Pero nung Sunday morning, nag-text siya bigla, and guess what?! Sad face lang “ L “ sa haba ng sinabi ko yun lang ang na-reply niya.. okay, di nya siguro alam kung anong sasabihin niya.. at ako naman, naapektuhan na naman ako… lumambot na naman ang puso ko.. L I really like him kasi eh..kaya nga willing akong bigyan pa siya ng chance, bagay na hindi naman niya hiningi.. lagi naman akong ganito, willing maghintay, magbigay ng second chance.. pero wala eh.. sinabi ko na kailangan naming mag-usap personally, pero ayaw naman niya..di daw siya sanay sa confrontation.. ang saken lang naman gusto kong maka-usap siya ng harapan para mapag-usapan naming ung mga issues namin, kung pwede pang maayos or kahit closure na lang.. may pinagsamahan din kami kahit papano, kaya ayoko nga sana na sa text lang kami mag-usap.. at gusto ko din siyang Makita for the last time.. pero ayaw niya talaga.. kaya di ko na pinilit kasi para saan pa kung ayaw naman niya.. sobrang nakakalungkot lang kasi akala ko, iba talaga siya sa mga lalaking nakilala ko.. kaya lang ganon talaga.. nasabi ko na lahat sa kanya yung gusto kong sabihin, nagpakumbaba na ko, na di ko naman dapat ginawa, pero ginawa ko pa din kasi ayoko sa lahat yung regrets.. lahat na ng kaya kong gawin, ginawa ko na.. sa ngayon..di ko talaga maiwasang malungkot, o umiyak.. pero last ko ng iyak ‘to.. hindi na ulit..binura ko na din lahat ng messages niya sa phone ko simula nung nagkita kami at magtext siya, yung nagpa-alam siyang manligaw saken..lahat ng messages niya na di ko binubura.. dinelete ko na kaninang umaga..kasi pag di ko ginawa yun mat-tempt lang ako na i-text siya at balikan yung mga days na okay kami.. binura ko na din yung no. niya. Hindi ko naman kabisado yun, kaya sure akong di ko na siya mat-text unless magtext siya, maybe? Pero hindi na talaga.. ayoko na, ayoko na muna.. ang hirap eh..ang sakit sa ulo... yung sobrang sayang nararamdaman ko dati, doble pa yung lungkot na nakuha ko.. =( sabi ko na eh.. sa umpisa lang naman yun masaya.. tapos ano na? heartbreaks! Haha haaaaaaaaaaaay… alam ko naman na sa umpisa pa lang masasaktan na ko pero, sumugal pa din ako..kasi masaya ko eh..kasi gusto ko siya.. kaya lang siya yung unang bumitaw..ayaw na niya, natatakot daw siya umasa… na baka sa huli, hindi din naman daw kami… naiintindihan ko naman siya… pero takot din naman ako, pero kinakaya ko, kasi alam ko naman na magkasama kami..kaya lang ganon talaga.. may mga tao talagang dumadaan lang sa buhay natin para turuan tayong mas maging strong.. kaya lang naisip ko.. ang dami ng dumaan..pero dumaan lang, maraming beses na ko nag-take ng risk.. at nagbigay ng chance..pero bakit ganito..wala pa din.. =( nakakapagod na din talaga.. di ko nga alam kung meron ba talagang para sa akin eh.. sana naman meron.. pero shempre minsan di din maiwasang mag-isip kung bakit ba lagi na lang nangyayari ‘to.. =(

10 things I hate about You

·         I hate that you’re my, could have been, would have been and my never been now.

·         I hate that you easily give up and the fact that you didn’t care.

·         I hate that I always think of our happy memories, our super “malas” dates from the start.

·         I hate that you never made an effort to talk to me in person, to fix it or for closure.

·         I hate that I let you in my life, without knowing that you will just leave.

·         I hate you for making me feel special.

·         I hate it when you’re not around and how much I missed you.

·         I hate it when you make me laugh with your own silly ways;  even worse when you make me cry

·         I hate that I have to meet you I hate you so much, I regret meeting you and I hate that It’s a lie.

·         But mostly, I hate the way I don’t hate you – not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

It will get better soon..

And Soon I will forget everything about you..

I’ll be happy and better..

Thank you J and I will miss you…